One of my favorite people e-mailed me this morning complaining about he sex she had with her husband. But it was more than the shitty sex; it was the overall expectation of sex when the rest of the day had been a disaster. I immediately knew the feeling.
Our elders have always offered the advice, don’t ever go to bed mad. That means, I think, fight it out, then have make-up sex. Make up sex is always good. What is bad sex is when you are mad at the person or the is no connection between your desire for the person and the sex you are having. It is made even worse if you are fucking and in your mind going over the shitty things they did that day.
I think our elders were pretty smart with that advice, but I should note that for the most part, our elders lived in a time when the men ruled the roost and the women shut their pie-hole and didn’t talk back. These days, thankfully, women are not slaves to their husbands and as TV commercials prove, the husbands are all incompetent dorks who require a wife to guide them through life.
I told my friend that after reading her e-mail, I think she made a good case for not being monogamous. I mean, it occurs to me that the reason most people who have been in really long term relationships or marriages lose that spark is that both parties are so sick of each other as people that the thought of “making love” is out the window. I’ve been feeling this way for years about my own wife. I’m so busy being irritated with her about past bitchiness that by the time we get in bed, the last thing on my mind is snuggling up and going down on her.
Yet, you add in the factor of kink and now I’m interested. I don’t think that I just don’t want sex; I think that I don’t want to make love to my wife.
I was reading Dr David Ley‘s Insatiable Wives and he points out that one of the reasons the penis is shaped the way it is is so that the head can act as a plunger to pull out the semen of the guy who just fucked his mate and thereby allow his sperm to impregnate her. Think about hat for a moment. Before God came along and told everybody to be monogamous, women were fucking all the guys in the tribe and the main partner needed to make sure he was the one to impregnate her, not the other guy.
They’ve done experiments to show that a man who is fighting for his wife becomes more aroused and that the potency of his ejaculate is stronger when his wife has been unfaithful. Or in the case of caveman days, his buddy conked her over the head, dragged her to a corner and fucked her before her husband could get to her.
We have progressed over the years and of course, we don’t conk women over the head to mate with them (serial killers excluded). But that instinctual trigger when we see another man show interest in our woman is still there. And women, you aren’t left out of this. It is a proven fact that women seek out a mate who is a good provider for her children. She will take an ugly fat guy who is rich over an athletic bum. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t actually want to fuck the bum.
I’m not trying to get my friend to cheat on her husband. They have a good marriage, great family and all, but like most people who have been married for a number of years, the sex department is shitty. And, like most relationships, they love the other person but don’t necessarily like them all the time.
More and more, I realize that what has made my marriage bearable is that I have accepted why I flirt with other women at work and online and why I enjoy my wife being with JD (and Pancho, maybe). It is something to take me away from the constant reminder of the same old shit we deal with day in and day out.
We’ve been watching Man in the High Castle (Amazon). I want to like it so bad but for crap’s sake, I either fall asleep or I just can’t follow it. We’ve been binge watching and are half way through season two. Friday night we got in bed and I was out like a light. Saturday morning I wake up to my wife yanking on my wiener. No talk, just using her toes to push down my underwear, then once hard, she climbed on top. She rode my dick and I woke up enough to slap her ass several times then pinch her nipples. As soon as I came, she quickly got herself off before my dick could deflate.
Later, I wanted to take my truck out for a drive up to the Cowboy Capital of Texas, Bandera, for lunch. The entire way there and back, she talked about how wonderful the day was and how much she loved everything. She asked if I was happy that she surprised me with morning sex (it isn’t like this doesn’t ever happen). I feel like a jerk because all I wanted her to do was stop talking, Stop trying to sell the idea that it was all so wonderful. I kept thinking to myself, if she really wanted it to be perfect, she would just enjoy the ride.
I think my point is, people want to live in the Facebook world of how great marriage is. I still truly believe that people should have primary partners that they stay with for life, that they raise a family and create a family environment with grandchildren and such. But more and more, I think the only true way to keep that environment both happy and sane is for both primary partners to have outside relationships. It doesn’t have to be as in your face as the type of thing we have with JD. It could be secret e-mails to other people or it could be a guy getting a BJ from a co-worker or even a prostitute. I don’t have the answer for the exact formula. I just think the idea of that single partner forever with no outside release, either physically or emotionally is a dead concept.
If you read this blog, you probably already agree with me. But I’m still open to comments and e-mails.