Yet Another Co-Worker Crush: I’m a Hopeless Dork…

For a few months my work space has been in motion.  I moved out of my own private office into a cubicle, then into a shared office, a second shared office, a third shared office, a fourth shared office and now, I’m in a my hopefully final space in an office with four of us together.  I don’t mind not having my own private office; people were always in there anyway.  But now I’ve been sitting across from a lady who has worked with with me for half a decade I’ll refer to as Co-Worker M

This lady, M, is nice, funny and I enjoy talking to her, but she is very guarded with her personal life.  I know she has two high school aged kids and I know her husband and her spend every weekend supporting her kids sports activities.  But aside from that, she doesn’t expand on much of anything that would reveal details like so many of my other colleagues tend to do. 

When I first met her years ago, I did what I do with most people and cyber stalk on them.  I found her years old MySpace page from when she was a college party girl.  She was definitely a party girl.  And quite attractive. 

This lady has a beautiful face with really pretty teeth.  I asked her once if she had braces as a teen and she told me no, she had just been blessed with good teeth genes. 

She has one of those apple shaped bodies.  Skinny little twigs for legs, no ass but a very large upper body with huge boobs and a large mid section.  She dresses in jeans and large shirts that tend to hide any curves.  I can’t say that I’ve ever seen her in a dress, though when meetings require a little more professional appearance, she looks very nice in her outfits.  I would assume most guys might see her as heavier than ideal but I look at her face, her teeth, those big brown eyes and I feel my heart beat speed up. 

Of course, I crush so easily.  I don’t know why at my age, I still do this. What is it about me that makes me want to have more than a completely professional work relationship? If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m about to tell you how I did something really stupid. 

I had already told her in passing that I was Bi.  She didn’t even give it a second look.  As we’ve talked more over the months, I’ve tried to crack that nut of getting to know her better.  And like I say, I’ve been crushing on her. 

On Friday, I typed out an instant message to her:

“I need to tell you something. Super awkward but I just need to spill it so it will be there and we can move on. You can laugh, call me a dork or whatever.  I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but here goes.“ 

I sent it then looked over at her but she didn’t have her chat window open.   And then I got cold feet.

“OMG.  I so chickened out.  I’m a dork.”

I looked again and she was engrossed in something else.  I got up and walked out of the office.  When I came back, nothing.  In fact, for the rest of the day, nothing.  We had several conversations and I do not know for sure that she even saw the message. 

Yep.  I’m a dork.  I can just imagine that if it comes up I could play it off by saying that I was going to tell her that she had some spinach in her teeth or there was some toilet paper stuck to her shoe and I was just embarrassed.  But that’s lame.  I’m lame.

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Top Visitors: Thank You!

I don’t hold a lot of weight with the little map tool that is added as a widget on the bottom of the blog page, but I do look at it every once in a blue moon.  This is what it looks like this morning:

So if you see your location, I’d love to know who you are. You can use a fake name, of course.  Use the comments or send an e-mail, won’t you?

Two For Thursday…

I seem to have a lot of sexual talk, but not a lot of sexual action.  You recall some time back I wrote a few posts about a co-worker I called, The Intern.  I called her that because she was in an intern program as a way of getting her foot in the door.  Let’s fast forward.  She is not an intern any longer but through a series of tactical moves, she is now a full fledged employee, though working in another office.  I mention all this because I know there were several of you who, rightly, were convinced I was playing with fire, what with her being an intern and all.  As a reminder, this isn’t some nineteen year-old we are talking about, but rather a woman with adult aged children.  Granted, she started early.

So throughout these moves of positions to get herself on as a regular employee, she and I have stayed in touch and in fact, my wife and I have gone out with her and her husband for dinner and such.  No sex; promise.

Thursday morning she sends me an instant message and immediately goes into flirt mode, but I can see that it is a way of getting me to offer her some advice.  She told me she has been having extremely vivid sex dreams about a former lover.  So extensive that when she wakes up, she is pissed that she woke up, and so exhausting that she is warn out.  Damn, I need to drink whatever tea she is having before bed.

The conversation goes on and we decided to grab lunch together.  She picked me up and unloads the story of this previous lover.  Too much detail to go into here, but during our drive to a local restaurant, she reveals that this is the BEST lover she has ever had, they just clicked, they would engage in four hour long sex sessions, to which I offered that I have immediately been eliminated as a possible sex partner for her. 

We went on to discuss things with her and her husband – he is a wonderful lover, just not nearly as good as this past guy.  No, they don’t have enough sex but it is because they are both tired all the time.  The usual married stuff. 

I asked her if her husband would give her a hall pass to get this other guy out of her system.  She just gave me the same look that most people in conventional monogamous marriages would give you when you suggested a hall pass.

We grabbed our food to go, then went and parked in the back of a parking lot at work.  During all this time, I realized that there was no resolution to this problem of hers.  It was clear to both of us that she was going to track down this guy and they are at some point going to fuck.  I spent a good ten minutes telling her over and over, “Do NOT go and see this guy.”

We finished eating and in between me advising her not to go see this guy because it will only lead to disaster,  we talked about the latest Hollywood and political “Me Too” business going on.  This will surely be offensive to some of you, but she told me it was all bullshit.  She said she just doesn’t buy someone coming back ten years or twenty years later and claiming a guy jacked off in front of them, and now it was an issue. 

And yes, I know you see this coming. I whipped out my dick and showed it to her, but only after I joked about it and she finally said, “Show me your damn dick.”

I really like her husband.  I really hope she doesn’t fuck this up.

——<<>>——

After work, I got a message from the young couple I’ve written about.  The local folks who I’ve met in person to watch in action.  Turns out they were checked into a hotel for a night out.  I got the room number and in spite of traffic, I was there in under twenty minutes.

I had told them that I could only stop in and say hello and had to get home.  When I arrived and knocked on the door, she ws in the shower.  The husband and I exchanged pleasantries and in a few, the wife came out of the shower in her towel.  They were having wine and I declined the offer, since I had to get home, but I was there long enough to see her completely nude, and at the husband’s request, give her some light spankings on her beautiful ass. 

The husband and I pulled out our dicks and we actually did this weird pressing them together thing and the wife stroked us both briefly.  It was nice to have her tug on my dick, but I wasn’t going to be staying for anything further.  My wife was texting me to pick up some stuff on my way home. 

In the end, I offered them a nice evening and I handed them some money to pay for dinner.  They both declined the offer saying it really wasn’t necessary so I just left the cash on a dresser, and said to please enjoy.  The wife did end me a note later and thanked me (along with a picture of her blowing her husband.)

In spite of the horrible afternoon traffic, I made it home in time for dinner.  And that was how my Thursday went.

New Year, New Thoughts…

Well the new year has arrived and this is my first post of 2018.  I hope to be at least half as productive this year.  Last year it seems I posted 100 times.  Damn, I must be in love with reading my own words. Or perhaps I just had a lot of stuff to say. 

I probably referenced my interest in podcasts more than a time or two and am sure I made reference to Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast from time to time. I’ll continue that by telling you about the epiphany he helped me have as I was driving into work this morning. 

A female caller was complaining about guys she meets on dating apps who are content to sext and chat and message her, but can’t seem to pull the trigger on actually meeting in person to do the things physically that they want to chat and talk about online. 

Dan responded that guys (and some women) tend to have this inner sexual monologue that goes on all day long.  As they see a person or chat with someone via one of these apps, that inner sexual monologue continues on and now, that person knowingly or not becomes a part of the subconscious discussion.  If that doesn’t immediately resonate with you, then perhaps you don’t have this same inner monologue like I do. 

I’ve often questioned my sanity over this.  I’ve literally mentally drifted away during meetings because I’m imagining going down on the woman who is talking.  I’ve ridden the elevator with a woman and immediately incorporated us into a scenario where we are trapped in the elevator and are forced to have an hours long conversation in which she describes her sex life.

The inner sexual monologue is a constant in my life. Yet, as Dan explains to the caller, often men are satisfied with the mental conversation and happy for it to stay in the brain.  This is why a guy may talk a big game but put off an actual in person meeting. 

It also may be an indication that the guy fears that his talking game is better than his actual physical game.

Interesting stuff.  My problem is that occasionally, I allow these innocent enough personal daydreams to become verbalized with the people I’m thinking of. 

It is one thing for some guy to engage in sexting with a fellow traveler on a sex app.  It is a whole different thing to engage a colleague in your sexual fantasies. 

We often joke about that internal filter that keeps us from saying the things on our minds.  I feel like I’m usually pretty good at it.  But I also find myself mentally jousting between the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. 

And I guess that is why the Savage podcast has such an eye opening impact on me.  Even if I occasionally lose the battle of the internal filter and open up to a co-worker about my sexual thoughts (and again, I do realize how stupid that is) it occurs to me that I’m not really prepared to go beyond describing my fantasies or maybe showing my dick. 

I posted last week about stupid chat conversations I had with people.  What if any of them had said, “quick, come have sex!”

Would I have had the balls to go for it?   Well, obviously sometimes I do have the balls.  But still, these sexual conversations I have in my mind are better left in my mind and on this blog.