Yet Another Co-Worker Crush: I’m a Hopeless Dork…

For a few months my work space has been in motion.  I moved out of my own private office into a cubicle, then into a shared office, a second shared office, a third shared office, a fourth shared office and now, I’m in a my hopefully final space in an office with four of us together.  I don’t mind not having my own private office; people were always in there anyway.  But now I’ve been sitting across from a lady who has worked with with me for half a decade I’ll refer to as Co-Worker M

This lady, M, is nice, funny and I enjoy talking to her, but she is very guarded with her personal life.  I know she has two high school aged kids and I know her husband and her spend every weekend supporting her kids sports activities.  But aside from that, she doesn’t expand on much of anything that would reveal details like so many of my other colleagues tend to do. 

When I first met her years ago, I did what I do with most people and cyber stalk on them.  I found her years old MySpace page from when she was a college party girl.  She was definitely a party girl.  And quite attractive. 

This lady has a beautiful face with really pretty teeth.  I asked her once if she had braces as a teen and she told me no, she had just been blessed with good teeth genes. 

She has one of those apple shaped bodies.  Skinny little twigs for legs, no ass but a very large upper body with huge boobs and a large mid section.  She dresses in jeans and large shirts that tend to hide any curves.  I can’t say that I’ve ever seen her in a dress, though when meetings require a little more professional appearance, she looks very nice in her outfits.  I would assume most guys might see her as heavier than ideal but I look at her face, her teeth, those big brown eyes and I feel my heart beat speed up. 

Of course, I crush so easily.  I don’t know why at my age, I still do this. What is it about me that makes me want to have more than a completely professional work relationship? If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m about to tell you how I did something really stupid. 

I had already told her in passing that I was Bi.  She didn’t even give it a second look.  As we’ve talked more over the months, I’ve tried to crack that nut of getting to know her better.  And like I say, I’ve been crushing on her. 

On Friday, I typed out an instant message to her:

“I need to tell you something. Super awkward but I just need to spill it so it will be there and we can move on. You can laugh, call me a dork or whatever.  I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but here goes.“ 

I sent it then looked over at her but she didn’t have her chat window open.   And then I got cold feet.

“OMG.  I so chickened out.  I’m a dork.”

I looked again and she was engrossed in something else.  I got up and walked out of the office.  When I came back, nothing.  In fact, for the rest of the day, nothing.  We had several conversations and I do not know for sure that she even saw the message. 

Yep.  I’m a dork.  I can just imagine that if it comes up I could play it off by saying that I was going to tell her that she had some spinach in her teeth or there was some toilet paper stuck to her shoe and I was just embarrassed.  But that’s lame.  I’m lame.